As I sit here alone in my room on this Saturday night I find myself rewatching Pete Wilson's message from last weekend. If you didn't get a chance to see it, I highly suggest watching it. I'll attach the video of it below... It's got some incredible truths in it.
Over the last couple of months I've really felt God prompting me. At first I didn't really know what it was about, but there was no doubt he was trying to get my attention. When it started, I was having the best time of my life. I had incredible friends, a great church home, and I felt like I had finally made the life that I wanted. But then this inkling started to creep up. I knew deep inside that I wasn't living out my life in the way that God had called me to live. I started feeling the need for one thing... Change.
But change in what? I loved life exactly the way it was at the time. It felt so effortless. And that, I soon discovered, was exactly the problem. I wasn't putting any effort into my life. I was living exactly how I wanted to live and was just breezing through without giving God a second thought. I didn't need His help right then. Things were pretty good.
But this feeling just wouldn't go away. It soon began to eat at me every day. I felt less like I was walking through life effortlessly and more like I was running from God in order to keep things effortless. Now if that's not ironic, I don't know what is.
Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down and finally went to God and really started seeking out what needed to be changed. And the answer that I soon realized scared the living daylights out of me... It was me. I was what needed to change. I felt God so strongly telling me that I was not created to walk through life with mediocrity as my main vehicle. No, I was created to lead, created to worship, and created to be a light to all those around me.
Immediately my fears of failure and rejection kicked in. If I change, I'll lose all my friendships. If I change, I'll be met with the judgment of others.
As I'm struggling with all these thoughts, I go to open up my Bible and a set of sermon notes from the beginning of April falls out. I looked over them and honestly did not remember the sermon one bit. I guess that says something about me paying attention in church. Ha. But one thing caught my eye. I had only written down one thing on the notes, and it was "Romans 6:14." I immediately flipped there and this is what I found.
"Sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
Now normally I would see that verse as "Even when you screw up, it doesn't matter. I've got you covered."
But here's how I read it that night. "It doesn't matter what the world, or the law, says about the way you live or the changes you make. You don't answer the them. You answer to me. And when you answer to me, I will NEVER let you down."
So right then I made my "Sun Stand Still" prayer (if you watch the sermon, you'll know what I'm talking about). My prayer was, and still is, that I will become the person and leader that I know God has called me to be without any hesitation or restraint. Because I have no doubt in my mind that I can't do it without His strength. 2011 is going to be a year of restoring God's place in my life that has been apparently absent over the last bit, and I pray that I will not falter from achieving that goal.
Thanks for listening, anybody who made it through.
B
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